Posterous app for iPhone
This app will make it easier for me to blog, but will I use it?Lunch at Zale is excellent today - tortilla soup. My favorite cashier gave me the employee discount even though I don't work here, just near here. I miss her when she's off.
Half our staff of six (maybe 3/7, if you count one person as completely ours) is out today; one on vacation, the other two iced in. It has been a slow, lovely day.
Can't sleep yet. Damn it.
Meals (I work twelve hour shifts and refuse to eat just before bed, so "lunch" and "dinner" go with me) for tonight and tomorrow night are packed. I ate the remainder of the meatloaf. (It rendered three servings, as I anticipated. It might do for four if I were to eat mashed potatoes with it, but that's not South Beach-approved- so, maybe four with mashed faux potatoes, i.e., cauliflower, but I don't have any of that, nor do I have the time to make it if I did have it.) This is day six, not day five. I've made it through five days. I might extend Phase 1 to sixteen days from fourteen, as I slept for nearly two of them and ate just the cheese/tomatoes/popsicles/cool whip during that time. You're not supposed to do that, but eh. Whatever. I've already lost four pounds since Monday (day 1) and fit into my size ten jeans. I was bulging out of my size twelves all summer.
The dishwasher is running. Moustapha is curled up next to me; I love my big baby kitty. I've reread my posts. It might seem that keeping a health club membership when I'm broke is silly, but it's not expensive. It's cheaper than what I used to spend weekly at the bars (that I haven't frequented in two or three, possibly four, years). Were I to actually go (it's at 24 hour fitness, so it fits into my crazy work schedule), it'd be worth it. That stupid Massage Envy membership I signed up for in a fit of back-spasm madness (I was really hurting) last summer expires this month or next, so that's money that can go into savings. In September, my biggest credit card bill will be paid off. This Thursday, an different debt will be settled. I'm whittling away at the debt madness haunting me. The money no longer paid to that creditor will be channelled to pay other relatively small debts each month. Shifts should pick up with the agency in the fall. Some of that money I make will go toward the costs of the ADN (associate degree nursing) program tests so I can get that RN license. I really do have a plan. The largest hurdle with all of that is getting the transcripts. I sleep while those offices are open. The days when I don't, I'm either working, or (shame, shame on me) I forget to do it.
Another plan: Use the Brazil Butt Lift dvds I bought late one night in the spring. I want that Brazil Booty! A certain friend of mine whom I used to date insists he loves my ass the way it is, but I know it would look better if I worked on it. It's saggy and wide, IMHO. Scooter made me promise not to lose my boobs. (He may like men, but he likes boobs and heels on women. It doesn't turn him on, he's just set in his ways.) As if I'm that motivated! Besides, they never go anywhere, no matter how much weight I lose. I only lose back fat, which takes me down in band size, but never cup. Thank you Grandma Kathleen.
He likes milk. I didn't know.
| I took this picture months ago, when I didn't know how much Zipper liked milk. I already knew he liked chickpeas, feta, canned tuna, and plastic wrapping. I've since learned that he also loves goat cheese and baked salmon (but only if I bake it- apparently, salmon from a restaurant or a can just won't do). He does not like the Iams Weight Control & Hairball Control food I started feeding him Sunday. Oh, that's yet another plan: help my kitties lose a little bit of weight. Moustapha weighs around 22 pounds, Zipper about 16. They're both enormous kitties - fat and large boned. I haven't taken them to a vet in six years. I worry about their health, but am frankly too cash poor to take them to a vet. |
Meatloaf!!!!!!!!
The meatloaf is done. It both smells and tastes delicious. It looks small because it is. I have two of those small, beautiful Emile Henri loaf pans, thanks to Scooter. I like my mini pans because I live alone and generally eat alone. Cooking in full-size pans is totally wasteful. I plan (those plans again) to pick up two small pie dishes that match.
Test email post
Apparently, I must simply email my post to a special address from the email address which I have listed (this one). If this works, that's something to mark off the task list!Plans, always plans
Have I mentioned that I'm a planner? Perhaps dreamer is a better description. Flakey is oft ascribed to me (not inappropriately). My big dreams? Travel the world, be financially secure, find love and all that crap. But those don't seem even vaguely attainable. My more immediate, possibly smaller dreams: a better job (preferably a day job) with health insurance, sick days & vacation; savings to cover six months of expenses (hell, a month of expenses); new glasses; new wheels & tires for my car; veterinary visits for my kitties; to wear a size six pants; and maybe meet a nice guy that I actually like who likes me back and with whom I can spend time (that part all too often never works out). I have micro dreams too: a new shower rod & curtain (one of those curved rods to make the shower feel more spacious), blackout curtain for my kitchen doorway (I have the curtain, actually; I just need to put up a tension rod for it) to help my day sleeping, the wherewithal to get the shit done on my to-do list.
But those are my dreams (the big dreams aren't explicitly laid out here as I'm a bit superstitious). My quotodien plans are part and parcel of me, yet I tend to ignore them. Do I sabotage myself or am I just lazy? Is it both?
Plans, in no particular order:
- Blog again. This is an effort. I'd probably do it from work if I remembered how to post from email (I know it's possible on this site). So there, that's another plan- email myself instructions on email posting. I can get to email from work, which would facilitate this plan.
- Use facebook less. I'm not doing too well with this one.
- Get my RN license. For that, there are various tasks required:
- Get my transcripts and send them to Excelsior (the distance-learning program with the best reputation- really, it's good- for this).
- Find a lawyer and get my "Obstructing a Public Thoroughfare" conviction expugned. While not strictly necessary, it'll expedite the licensing process.
- Take (and pass, though about that I'm not worried) the tests for Excelsior's program.
- Get my "credit" report from Group 1, the people who blacklist nurses (in Texas, at least). It's one of the credit reports checked by big hospitals around here. They (the hospitals) won't tell you when you're blacklisted, they just say "you don't meet our requirements." One is, however, entitled to a copy of this report by law. I've requested a copy before and never heard from them (Group 1), so my plan has been (for about a year now) to take the request directly to their office and sit my ass down in there until they give it to me.
- Keep my apartment neat- I pick it up and keep it for a while, then sleep a lot and it gets messy again. Many people do this, perhaps minus the excessive sleeping.
- Use the gym membership I pay for monthly (I can cancel it at any time, at least). I feel exponentially better when I work out. It's a matter of motivating myself to go.
- Walk to the store rather than drive. I give myself a pass on this one from May through mid-September: it's too hot to walk anywhere.
- Stay quit smoking.
- Do South Beach Diet again. I've already started this and stuck to it, mostly. I'm five days in now. One day this week I stayed awake for 23 hours and didn't feel like eating much, but I stuck with the principles of it. A day later, I slept for 15 hours. The time between (I slept for five hours and then was awake for all of nine hours) I ate part-skim mozzarella cheese sticks, a pint of grape tomatoes, a couple of sugar-free fudgecicles, and half a tub of sugar-free low-fat aldi brand cool whip. It was what I craved. But hey, I didn't eat anything forbidden by the diet.
- Cook for myself/avoid processed foods. This kind of goes with South Beach, but also with other plans for saving money and eating healthier in general.
- Pack my lunches for work for this weekend. I'm working on that even as I type. I made lamb meatloaf (recipe altered slightly to make it phase 1 SB friendly) and it's in the oven now.
- Fill my own waterbottles. I do that, generally. But it's a plan, nevertheless, because empty bottles are cluttering my kitchen counter.
- Pick up a funnel to make filling the bottles easier. I can't seem to find a decent one. I know they're available at the Container Store, but I keep forgetting to go. When I remember, money is too tight to spare for an unnecessary object.
- Go to the eye doctor and get new contact lenses. I know, glasses are on the list of "dreams," but contacts are a more immediate need. I have one pair left. I'm too blind to see how I look in glasses without contacts in so I must have both. I won't be able to afford even this for another month, maybe. Work at the temp agency has been slow. My regular (albeit also part-time) gig barely covers overhead; it leaves no room for savings, much less an eye exam. A good job with health insurance really is a dream.
- Call the accountant recommended to me by a colleague to help me file my tax returns for the past four years. NO, I am not a tax-evader. They owe me money- or did by my calculations each year. I just didn't have a bank account to direct deposit the money into and didn't trust my mailbox- my roommate had too many shady people in the house; I feared the check(s) being stolen. Now I've lost that damned paperwork. I have no idea if I owe money for last year. I don't think I do. I usually have extra taken out just in case.
- Renew my passport. That's been on the list for two years (kind of like the tax returns on the list for four, the RN license for three- at least). That one might be easier than the others. Or not. It's hard to say.
Another plan, one much more immediate: get to bed within the next hour.
Sitting in yoga yesterday morning, I couldn't help but look at my reflection and think, "damn, I'm fat." It's a little discouraging, but if I go a few times a week, eventually I won't look like that. I can't say which is my primary motivation: more stamina, increased strength, sleeping better, being slimmer/more toned (i.e., looking better), improved sense of well-being, reduced stress, bowel regularity... I just don't know. Lately, reduced stress probably is at the top of the list.
I have thirteen days to refute a spurious charge leveled at me by the Board of Nurse Examiners.
Work was slow through both agencies last summer. I thought I'd pick up some shifts with Nurse Finders again. I went into the office and they told me that I'd have to reapply- resubmit my application, take another drug test. I did both. LabCorp said I had barbituates in my urine. Barbituates? Who in the hell takes barbituates? That sounds like something out of a seventies cop show. And no, I have never taken any barbituates. The only thing I can think of that even is a barbituate that I come across at work is phenobarbital. What would I want with that? I do take some pills; most of them are OTC. I take Zyrtec because I have allergy problems year round. I get wicked sinus headaches that, if left untreated for more than an hour, trigger crippling migraines. I take Sudafed (pseudoephedrine, the fake Sudafed PE) to clear my sinuses when the Zyrtec isn't enough to prevent congestion, sometimes guifenissen (Mucinex); I take ibuprofen for the pain. Two of those (400 mg total) are enough to treat the pain & swelling. I don't like to overdo it. I want the OTCs to continue working. I see enough people who abuse meds, convinced that for some reason they need more than others to treat their pain/illness. Anyway, other than those- I sometimes take colace and/or polyethylene glycol (Miralax) for bowel irregularity. I also take a bunch of vitamins: women's daily multivitamin, omega-3, calcium & magnesium supplement, vitamins C, B, and a lactobacillus supplement (for the bowels). I have left over meds from old scripts that I've been hoarding: ambien & clonazepam. I might need them sometime. If I can't sleep, benadryl usually works, along with chamomile tea. Again, not a barbituate amongst them.
Back to my story. LabCorp said I had barbituates in my urine. NurseFinders wouldn't take me back. I could challenge the test but it would cost me $160. I didn't have $160. If I had that money, I wouldn't need another job. I let it drop without challenging it. I kept working for Supplemental. I made enough to scrape by. Two months later, I got my new job (I still pick up shifts through Supplemental sometimes). I took a drug test for them, too. Qwest didn't say anything silly like I had barbituates in my system. And why would they? I don't take that shit.
December 29th, I found a notice for a certified letter in my mailbox. It was after the post office closed, so I picked it up the next day. The letter, dated December 23, from the Board of Nurse Examiners said that NurseFinders had notified them of that drug test and that I had thirty days from the date of the letter to refute this. I could lose my license. What else can I do? Wait tables? I don't have any other skills. I have no savings to live on.
Drug test errors are known and common. But I have to prove it. I have thirteen days to find enough references to prove my assertion that it was wrong. There've been many cases of false positives in the past year. I may have to hire a lawyer with money I don't have. I might still lose.
What else will I do? I want to cry all the time. Stress-reduction is definitely at the top of the list for reasons to go to yoga.
Wiping Asses: It's a Living
Wiping adult asses makes me want to hurl a little bit. I know it’s my job. I have to do lots of things that most people would consider distasteful. I generally don’t mind most of them. The confused patients get on my nerves; that’s true. I also get a little (extremely) annoyed when I have to gear up head to toe to take care of people with serious infections secondary to the Diabetes Mellitus that they have because they couldn’t be bothered to take care of themselves. Yes, I am judging them, but that doesn’t interfere with me giving good care.
But I digress. I am human. I do a job that many can never imagine themselves doing (they can imagine it up until the bodily fluids). I don’t mind sticking people with needles; cleaning funky, stinky wounds; drawing blood (although I wish I were better at it); the tedious paperwork; suctioning green phlegm; emptying bags full of urine; unclogging blocked peg tubes (the lines going directly into the stomach); and so many other things… but something about wiping asses still does not sit well with me. I’m not sure whether it’s the fully-formed feces or the liquid chyme found in a colostomy bag that makes me want to retch more violently. I don’t, of course, and it is quite a bit of work just vomiting or making an ugly face. I am a professional, right?
Who would think that as much juvenile pleasure that I derive from obsessing over my poo or that of my best friend, that this aspect of my job would be what bothers me? I prefer and am often proud of my own brand. I will fart in your general direction. But crap on yourself, and I am not happy to clean you.
What in the hell is wrong with me?
That's always the burning question, it seems. I ask myself this right now as I consider the new gouges in the side panel of my car. How in the hell am I so hard on cars? I have dents, scratches, a torn-off driver's side mirror, and now the gouges. In the parking lot near my current favorite Indian restaurant, someone slammed on their brakes in front of me and I swerved to avoid the other car coming at me from the left. In doing so, I went over the edge of a curb, but there had to be something on it larger than a curb. What else explains the three parallel gouges?
I must get this fixed. I have to fix it, but I don't know where I'll get the money to do it. I cannot just drive around with it like this. I should fix all the shit at once. It'll be cheaper to get parts from a junkyard; maybe I'll have them paint the whole thing a different color. Navy blue? Brown? I need new wheels and tires, too. I don't know how much longer I can make these last. Two of the rims were bent this time last year. All four probably are now. I haven't had the tires rotated once since I got them (this time last year). Time got ahead of me, I guess. Thinking about this makes me sick at my stomach.
If I weren't so fiscally irresponsible, I'd have the money to fix this. But I don't operate on credit, so there's no fixing it and charging it. I will not ask Mom & Dad. I won't ask anyone. I'll do this. I'll fix my car. I'll make it look pretty again. I have to keep it running - it's paid off and I want to keep it up for another four or five years.
I often hate my abode. The hotel is kind of run-down. Things don't always seem to work. But it's cheap, and it's clean. Staying here not only gives me time to find a place I really want to live, but allows me to save on things like electricity, internet, and cable. It's probably a little cheaper than I'd pay in rent in an apartment, too. I want to buy a laptop. I must fix my car. I would like to build up a cushion against times of slow work. It doesn't seem as bad when I think of it. A few thousand for a cushion, five hundred to a thousand for a laptop (I want a macbook)... how much could fixing the car cost? Tires and wheels will set me back around six hundred - I'm not buying top of the line, just going for decent. The body work would cost a thousand maybe?
I swing wildly between self-assurance and wild despair. I make enough money, theoretically, to do this just fine. But my history of fiscal irresponsibility reminds me to doubt myself. I'm not drinking anymore. I'm not off shopping. Okay, so I eat out a little too often. I can change that.

