osteichthyes's posterous

Sitting in yoga yesterday morning, I couldn't help but look at my reflection and think, "damn, I'm fat." It's a little discouraging, but if I go a few times a week, eventually I won't look like that. I can't say which is my primary motivation: more stamina, increased strength, sleeping better, being slimmer/more toned (i.e., looking better), improved sense of well-being, reduced stress, bowel regularity... I just don't know. Lately, reduced stress probably is at the top of the list.

I have thirteen days to refute a spurious charge leveled at me by the Board of Nurse Examiners.

Work was slow through both agencies last summer. I thought I'd pick up some shifts with Nurse Finders again. I went into the office and they told me that I'd have to reapply- resubmit my application, take another drug test. I did both. LabCorp said I had barbituates in my urine. Barbituates? Who in the hell takes barbituates? That sounds like something out of a seventies cop show. And no, I have never taken any barbituates. The only thing I can think of that even is a barbituate that I come across at work is phenobarbital. What would I want with that? I do take some pills; most of them are OTC. I take Zyrtec because I have allergy problems year round. I get wicked sinus headaches that, if left untreated for more than an hour, trigger crippling migraines. I take Sudafed (pseudoephedrine, the fake Sudafed PE) to clear my sinuses when the Zyrtec isn't enough to prevent congestion, sometimes guifenissen (Mucinex); I take ibuprofen for the pain. Two of those (400 mg total) are enough to treat the pain & swelling. I don't like to overdo it. I want the OTCs to continue working. I see enough people who abuse meds, convinced that for some reason they need more than others to treat their pain/illness. Anyway, other than those- I sometimes take colace and/or polyethylene glycol (Miralax) for bowel irregularity. I also take a bunch of vitamins: women's daily multivitamin, omega-3, calcium & magnesium supplement, vitamins C, B, and a lactobacillus supplement (for the bowels). I have left over meds from old scripts that I've been hoarding: ambien & clonazepam. I might need them sometime. If I can't sleep, benadryl usually works, along with chamomile tea. Again, not a barbituate amongst them.

Back to my story. LabCorp said I had barbituates in my urine. NurseFinders wouldn't take me back. I could challenge the test but it would cost me $160. I didn't have $160. If I had that money, I wouldn't need another job. I let it drop without challenging it. I kept working for Supplemental. I made enough to scrape by. Two months later, I got my new job (I still pick up shifts through Supplemental sometimes). I took a drug test for them, too. Qwest didn't say anything silly like I had barbituates in my system. And why would they? I don't take that shit.

December 29th, I found a notice for a certified letter in my mailbox. It was after the post office closed, so I picked it up the next day. The letter, dated December 23, from the Board of Nurse Examiners said that NurseFinders had notified them of that drug test and that I had thirty days from the date of the letter to refute this. I could lose my license. What else can I do? Wait tables? I don't have any other skills. I have no savings to live on.

Drug test errors are known and common. But I have to prove it. I have thirteen days to find enough references to prove my assertion that it was wrong. There've been many cases of false positives in the past year. I may have to hire a lawyer with money I don't have.  I might still lose.

What else will I do? I want to cry all the time. Stress-reduction is definitely at the top of the list for reasons to go to yoga.

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